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Jennifer Megan Varnadore
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made a new da...to start over.

Sun Nov 15, 2009, 2:00 PM
ok. so i made a new da. this one is so chaotic in every way. i want to start over fresh and new. for those who love me, and i hope you dooooo...go to :iconparadoxicprettygirl: and watch me there. <3

7 Comments
  • Mood: Yearning
  • Listening to: escape the fate - the guillotine
  • Reading: r. a. nelson - teach me
  • Watching: later prolly house
  • Playing: jonesing to play wow
  • Eating: i had an omelet <3
  • Drinking: mountain dew

ISMFOF - Things That Rhyme With Orange

Wed Nov 4, 2009, 2:21 PM
I'm so iconoclastic; I'm clastic!
I only want you to think I'm fantastic.
I'll participate in what you believe,
If you give me the attention!
Yeah, yeah that's the only compensation
I want to be included in your conversation.

So am I "in" or am I "out"
What is there to think about! ?
What is that paint brush for?
Are you preparing to draw me?
No wait, please don't! I am scared,
Of what I'll see...
I'm not a perfect picture portrait,
But I am working on it!
I've been thinking about being cool,
I must have to admit!

Blame it on the corporate skyscrapers in the clouds,
But if wasn't for you,
We wouldn't have all these multiple crowds.
How am I suppose to choose, which one I belong to?

I think I'll perpetuate a pre-existing runway,
I guess it is all of the shit almost as cool as creating a fresh
New elaboration yourself.

It's a marker! it's a sign!
It's something we define!
It already exists, but you helped refine!
An emblem for all your aesthetic kin,
To recognize you by!

Blame it on the corporate skyscrapers in the clouds,
But if wasn't for you,
We wouldn't have all these multiple crowds.
How am I suppose to choose, which one I belong to?

Obscenity is a crutch for traffic drives.
If you need to use the restroom just ask politely.
I like the way I do it, better then the way your not.
Lifting up the toilet seat was the way I was taught.

It has to be a unanimous determination.
Because one opinion would be a pointless appreciation.

Yeah, sure thanks for the invitation!
Don't want to be included in your conversation...
It's to late!
We've over thrown I took all your friends,
And your all alone.

Blame it on the corporate skyscrapers in the clouds,
But if wasn't for you,
We wouldn't have all these multiple crowds.
How am I suppose to choose, which one I belong to?

5 Comments
  • Mood: Yearning
  • Listening to: Skye Sweetnam - Music Is My Boyfriend
  • Reading: City Of Ashes

A Livejournal I Finally Get Time To Feature

Sun Oct 25, 2009, 7:10 PM
I got this from Sami. :icondiskofaery: It's beautiful and I can relate to it.

Wasn't written by me. I have and do feel about someone this way though....




I'm jealous of whoever you're talking to, whoever you're maintaining eye contact with. You leave the room and my equilibrium tips. I bring down the walls with my mind. Where did you go? When will you come back? What will I miss? I'm jealous of a chair you lean on. You run your hand through your hair and I am simultaneously jealous of both your hand and the top of your head. I have been cursed.

I bite my lip and attempt to ignore a million images that flash through my mind. I say something idle to someone nearby. Flashes flashes flashes.

I am jealous of your cigarette.

I could take its place in a heartbeat. Held lightly between your fingers, taken by your lips and inhaled. I know the smoke enters your lungs, I know some bit of that cigarette has entered your bloodstream. Tiny molecules flowing on the only route to your heart. If I were that cigarette, you wouldn't need to light me. I am set on fire at your lightest touch. I am jealous of your cigarette. Some part of it has made its way inside. I could never get in there. I sincerely wish I were nicotine as I watch you take a drag off that lucky butt.

All kinds of images. Flash. Tactile. Visual. Aural. Olfactory heaven. I don't know where I am.

I don't remember what I did yesterday. The "should" voice shuts up. My thoughts are dead. I am in your arms.

Your friendship will end me.

A stroke on the small of my back. Your eyes closed. The shift in the rhythm of your breathing as you fall asleep. The sweet smell of the crook of your neck. My entire body is buzzing. The tiniest sensations have been ingrained into my frantic mind.

Set me aflame and inhale whatever part you like. Maybe the tips of my fingers. Or maybe the patch of skin just below my ear that you kissed and bit the last time you killed me.

Your hands. Your hands yourhandsyourhandshands. I am dead. You throw a hand in my face as you walk by, you tease. As a reflex my mouth attempts a bite. My lips only barely graze the prize. Oh, just one more little taste.

Hot damp breath and I am. I am amam. I oh. Secret little kisses in the dark oh. Your jaw my cheek your neck the corner of my mouth. We aren't alone but they can't see my smile in the dark. Lightly scratching the nape of your neck. I can feel my pulse in new places. I am I am and that's all I know.

Oh please.

"Oh, sweetie." Ecstasy. Your words mean even less than your little touches but they still bring the warmth to my chest and down my insides.

I play with your hair and you purr. I am happier than a child with a tiny new sleepy kitten. You inhale deeply and the ground shakes a little.

I'm curled up in a ball sobbing again. My insides twist and ache. This is addiction.

5 Comments
  • Mood: Yearning
  • Listening to: Skye Sweetnam - Music Is My Boyfriend
  • Reading: City Of Ashes

I Keep Looking By Corina90

Sun Oct 25, 2009, 7:05 PM
I relate to this too well, so I thought I'd feature it.

If you want to see it and comment it yourself here's the link: [link]


But for those who are lazy and don't like to go to places here's a copy of the poem and the artists comment. I strongly suggest you go comment it. :




wanted:

a boy with dark hair and bright eyes with a smile that'll drop my stomach to my feet. a boy that says his heart feels more full when he's holding my hand and will tell me how my eyes remind him of the ocean at night because somehow the water looks deeper when cast in milky, silver light. a boy that'll laugh at the way i wrinkle my nose when i'm confused and will tease me because he knows i like nothing more than to be harassed. one that'll throw me over his shoulder and throw me fully clothed into the pool, that'll call me ridiculous, that'll roll his eyes and sigh. one that'll secretly love the fact that i'm a mess because it keeps things interesting.

wanted:

a boy that respects the fact that i lay down boundaries but likes to steal kisses around them anyways. a boy that messes up my hair when i'm not looking and bites my lip when i'm not paying attention. a boy that doesn't need me, but wants me all the same. one that has a life of his own but has room to fit me in at his side. a boy that thinks the day looks brighter when i'm stumbling and knocking down vases on accident. one that knows i hate dresses but will tell me i look beautiful when i put one on anyway. a boy that'll let me wear his shirt because he knows i think it's like hugging him all day.

wanted:

a boy that doesn't wear too much cologne, that'll like to take me dancing because he thinks when my eyes are that bright there are no need for stars. a boy that'll raise his voice when i raise mine and will know that i will be just as likely to throw a punch as slap him across his face. one that will catch my fist before it lands, that'll know i feel too much, that'll know if i didn't care i wouldn't be seething. a boy that'll know the best way to end a fight is by kissing me until my mouth steams, until my nails are biting into his shoulders to keep the ground beneath my feet.

wanted:

a boy that knows i need my freedom. one that won't try and cage me in but will run next to me when i'm wild-eyed and anxious. a boy that'll write me a song and then yell obscenities at me in the kitchen. a boy that won't let me walk all over him, but will block me before i even start. one that will match me blow for blow, one that will never try and suppress me but marvel in the messy, disastrous way i so often explode. a boy that won't call me flawed, but me. a boy that will know i can't be anything else but what i am. one that would never dream of wanting anything else.

wanted:

you.

©2009 =Corina90

:iconcorina90:
Author's Comments
{"i've just finished writing an advertisement
calling for a boy, no half-hearted romeo or flirt is meant;
that's the kind i'd not employ
though anybody interested can apply
he must know a thing or two to qualify"
--ella fitzgerald

full title: i keep looking and i keep coming up empty-handed.

that megan is a silly banana :]
yeah, i'm tired and mildly sick and i write ridiculous things.
especially when listening to ella. what of it?

No Comments
  • Mood: Yearning
  • Listening to: Skye Sweetnam - Music Is My Boyfriend
  • Reading: City Of Ashes

Calm killed the storm

Fri Oct 23, 2009, 2:55 AM
I feel...honestly I'm not sure what the fuck I feel right now...Sorta tired. Sorta low. Sorta contemplative..sorta...a lot of things.

I'm over at Sami's right now. Everyone is up and awake but her.

It feels good to be home...even if it is just for a day or so...I missed my family. :D And they ARE my family.

I can't sleep though....I haven't slept since 11 am yesterday..not that that's any news. I mean...the person that my heart aches so dearly for lives here now....All I've thought about is that he was sleeping in this very house in the room next to Sami's. Ugh..I felt like a coward when I sorta fled from his touch when he came near me saying goodnight. It's hard enough seeing him...imagine what that would do to my resolve....-sigh- I'm such a coward...

I saw a moth earlier. It was big and fluffy and tan. It had little black eyes, and yellow antennae. It was beautiful. I put it outside because I think I accidentally took the dust off of half of one of its wings. I didn't want it to flutter about and rub more off.

Since the window has no screen I thought about going out onto the roof. It was a nice feeling being out there in the cooler air. At night. I know...I'm weird. :D

but yeah...I still live...:) Sometimes. hehe.

9 Comments
  • Mood: Yearning
  • Listening to: Skye Sweetnam - Music Is My Boyfriend
  • Reading: City Of Ashes
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